An angry love partner can drag down a relationship.

Over months you may have tried everything to help reduce your partner’s angry outbursts. However, to turn things around requires your insight into what is going on in their mind.

First, understand that behind anger is a long string of emotions. The angry person is fearful that these other feelings might be seen, making them vulnerable. Unconsciously, they have learned that “the best defense is a strong offense.” Along with fear, these emotions include: loneliness, sadness, lack of confidence and hurt. And beneath these uncomfortable emotions are: love and compassion.

Second, Your partner can overcome angry outbursts by finding ways to tap into these other emotions. Encourage them to express these emotions calmly. Trying to help by telling them they should “stop being angry” doesn’t work. They may temporarily calm down, but anger will again raise it’s ugly head.

Third, after they are able to speak about their uncomfortable emotions, they can then reach into the love and compassion which you know is there but it’s buried within them.

This process takes time, but if you encourage them to speak about all their feelings, they will no longer have the need to express anger in a dangerous way.

We will write more about this in the future. Your comments are welcome.