Heather was unhappy and harried. For years she had been helping her children, helping her neighbors and friends, helping her coworkers, and of course helping her husband, Harry. She took pride when friends referred to her as “Supermom.” You may have seen her drop her boys off at soccer, race to the grocery store, and return home just in time to meet the plumber. Her computer calendar was packed. She made sure to cook healthy foods, clean meticulously, and teach the boys to write thank-you notes. She didn’t dare ask Harry to do much because he would always “screw up.”

She confided to her neighbor:
HEATHER: I’m so frustrated. This isn’t the life I envisioned. I have way too much to do, and I’m the only one who can do it. Harry will never change,
PAULA: Harry can help. He can cook some dinners and drive the kids to soccer practice.

HEATHER: Harry? He couldn’t make tea with a tea bag if I boiled the water, and the last time he drove the kids to soccer, he was twenty minutes late.
PAULA: Well, Pete couldn’t cook either when we first got married, but now he bakes five-layer cakes.

HEATHER: Harry’s different. He can’t do anything right. I’m afraid I’ll be frustrated forever. Harry and the boys totally depend on me.

On a wintry morning, Heather walked outside. She thought it was water, but a sheet of ice lay near her car. She slipped and became airborne. A leg and an arm slammed against the ice and both were broken. After the first shooting pain, she knew that Harry would have to take over while she was laid up.

From her hospital bed, Heather told Harry to check the schedule. She was specific about how to handle the household chores. When she finally arrived home, she found Harry hadn’t checked the schedule, and he had barely followed her orders. But somehow, he and the boys had survived.

They bought carryout only once. Harry dug out a cookbook and baked lasagna from scratch, served with a salad and garlic bread. He bought plantains, which he thought were bananas, and learned to fry them. The boys helped cook and even added veggies. They were late to soccer only once. Harry was upbeat. Heather noticed a spot of spaghetti sauce on the rug but made no comment. She found a broken plate and disposed of it quietly.

                                                The Road to Power Snuggling
Heather began to understand that family peace and pride were much more important than her “right” way. She realized Harry’s new talents were really old, hidden talents that finally had been allowed to surface. She saw how her frequent kvetching had paralyzed him. As Heather softened, Harry felt appreciated. She had to compromise some of her values, but she was much less stressed. As Heather became more accepting, Harry worked harder to please her. They gradually became Helpful Harry and Happy Heather.

                                                Sustaining Your Snuggle
Do either of you find it difficult to delegate jobs and accept the outcome if it is not exactly to your liking? It is time to entrust some of your responsibilities to your partner and reduce the household stress level. [See Power Snuggles book for complete Snuggle.]